No One Sees It,So Why Wear It?

Nevermind that it's Monday morning and I'm on the bus heading to my posting, supposed to be writing about discipline or accountability. Supposed to be reading my book for the week. But I need to talk about something that's been on my mind.

Last week, someone approached me outside my room and said, "Your earrings are so beautiful. It's quite sad no one is going to see them."

Let me clarify: this wasn't just last week. This has been my entire adult life. It happened this morning too. Anytime someone sees me wearing earrings, embroidered clothes, perfume, nice shoes – doing anything every normal person does – they feel compelled to comment on the tragedy of it all. The waste. The missed opportunity for public consumption. The inability to reconcile my identity with my desire to own beautiful things.

I smiled at her and said, "You're seeing them, aren't you? That's good enough."

I didn't say this out loud, but I thought: you are a valid reason. Your eyes work. You noticed. "No one will see it" ke? Are you a goat then? But thank you for the compliment.

She continued, trying to be helpful. "You know, there's a way to style your hijab where the earrings show. You could still wear hijab and let people see them."

I smiled again because honestly, I've reached this big age in this big 2025 surviving entirely on my own self-gratification. My brain, my mind, my entire existence has become accustomed to doing things without needing external validation, without requiring an audience, without panelbeating for public approval.

Sometimes, I won't lie, I feel left out. I look at what other people can do, the ways they move through the world, the connections that seem easier for them, and I think: how will I make the professional connections I need? How will I navigate spaces where my appearance marks me as different before I even open my mouth?

But my dear reader: I have made connections. I have done things. More than some people who have fewer restrictions, more freedom, more options for how they present themselves.

And this has brought me to a conclusion: at the end of the day, do what you want to do. Follow your path. Create the blueprint for your own life as long as you're not harming others, as long as you're honoring your relationship with your Creator, as long as you can sleep at night knowing you're living with integrity according to your values.

Let me paint you a picture. Two scenarios, same timeline, different choices.

Girl A and Girl B both attend primary school. Both are brilliant students. Both excel. This is 2025, not 1905. Both get admission to study medicine.

Girl A wears crop tops and jeans, corporate dresses, whatever current fashion dictates. She styles her hair differently every week. She wears statement earrings everyone can see and compliment.

Girl B wears full hijab. Jilbab, long skirt, shirt underneath, chic shoes. She navigates dress codes while maintaining her religious practice. She asks questions in class and explains her religious dynamics to anyone curious.

Both are brilliant. Both perform well. Both attend their white coat ceremony.

Girl A shakes hands with the vice chancellor and all the dignitaries.

Girl B has already met with them, explained her religious restrictions, and they've arranged alternative ways to acknowledge her achievement without physical contact with men.

Both get initiated into the College of Medicine. Both graduate as excellent doctors.

Girl A continues wearing her corporate dresses, styling her hair, wearing different earrings that get complimented daily.

Girl B continues wearing full hijab, her jilbab always crisp and clean. She gets compliments too, just different ones. People tell her she speaks eloquently. They comment on how put-together she looks. The first thing most people notice is her eloquence and intelligence because she has given no room for her body to be analyzed by wandering gazes.

Years pass. They finish housemanship, complete youth service, become fully licensed physicians.

Girl A meets a man. They like each other. They date for years. Eventually, they get married. She's happy. He appreciates her.

Girl B meets a man who's interested in her. She tells him to approach her family. Investigations are conducted. He's found to be a person of good character. Mahr is agreed upon. They get married. She's happy. He appreciates her commitment to her values.

Both women are married to men who appreciate them. Both succeeded in their careers. Both built connections. Both made it through the gauntlet of becoming physicians.

But here's where I need to be honest about what I believe: the paths looked different, and so did the destinations, actually.

Girl A got worldly success. Girl B? She got worldly success AND the pleasure of Allah. She gets to win twice—in this dunya and, insha'Allah, in the akhirah. She built her career without compromising her deen. She found love without compromising her boundaries. She succeeded without selling parts of herself she was told were necessary for success.

As a Muslim, I believe Islam is the correct way of life. The psychology behind hijab, the wisdom in modest dress, the protection in how we interact with the opposite gender—there are countless perks to being a Muslimah and dressing like one. Every system Islam has put in place exists to protect us and make our lives better. But that's a topic for another day, and there's no compulsion in religion.

What I am here to say is this: why does everyone act like Girl B's path is harder, sadder, more limiting? Why the pity? Why the concern that she's missing out?

From where I'm standing, as someone who lives as Girl B, I'm not missing anything. I'm not suffering. I'm not less successful or less happy or less professionally accomplished than Girl A. I in fact believe I am happier.

I'm just doing it differently. With different clothes and my own beliefs. Different relationship dynamics. Different ways of navigating spaces that weren't designed for me.

The earrings thing is a perfect metaphor. I wear beautiful earrings that most people won't see. And you know what? I see them. I know they're there. I chose them carefully. I enjoy wearing them.

My enjoyment isn't diminished by lack of public display. My sense of beauty isn't validated only when others approve. My existence isn't performance art that requires an audience to have value.

I dress well for myself. I wear perfume for myself. I choose nice things for myself. Not for compliments, but because I like nice things. Because caring about aesthetics while maintaining modesty isn't contradictory. Because self-respect doesn't require public consumption to matter.

This is what people don't understand about choosing modesty in a world that equates visibility with value. They think we're depriving ourselves. They think we're missing out.

But my life isn't small. My ambitions aren't limited by my clothing. My capacity for joy isn't reduced by covering my hair. My professional success isn't handicapped by my religious practice.

If anything, navigating spaces not designed for me has made me more adaptable, more strategic, more resilient. Explaining myself constantly has made me articulate. Proving my competence despite preconceptions has made me excellent at what I do.

So when someone tells me it's sad that no one will see my earrings, what I hear is: it's sad that I'm not performing femininity in ways they recognize. It's sad that I'm not seeking validation from their sources. It's sad that I've built a sense of self that doesn't require their gaze to feel complete.

And you know what? That's not sad. That's liberation.

Liberation from needing to be seen to know I'm valuable. Liberation from needing compliments to know I'm beautiful. Liberation from needing approval to know I'm making the right choices.

Dear Karens, I'm good, please. I'm fine with no one seeing my jewelry. Yes, I'll marry a handsome, rich, and pious man regardless of the fact that I don't hawk my body. And yes, all my dreams and ambitions will come to reality by the might of Allah azza wa jal even if I don't shake hands with higher-up men or hug them.

So wear your earrings however you want. As a Muslimah, inside your hijab, please. One day we'll talk about those Instagram influencers making it seem ideal to do otherwise. Either live for the audience or live for yourself and your Lord. Choose the path that makes sense for your values, your faith, your vision of who you want to be.

Just stop pretending that one path is inherently better, easier, or more fulfilling when you're only measuring by dunya metrics.

Because at the end of the day, yes, we're all trying to build good lives. But some of us are building for two worlds, not just one.

Mine just happens to include really beautiful earrings that most people will never see.

And I'm completely fine with that. Too fine for your comfort, I think.

Because while you're measuring success by who sees my earrings,or how well I can fit inti the public ideal for a lady, I'm measuring it by whether my Creator is pleased with how I'm wearing them.

And between those two measures? I know which one actually matters.